I am a 55-year-old woman who struggles with chronic illness (after becoming infected with Lyme disease and bartonella) who said “Enough!” to a sick, dysfunctional supposedly Christian marriage that was full of control, abuse, neglect, fear and emotional torment. I left my church. I then separated from my husband. I stood up for myself and then spent the next three years sick, mourning, grieving, not sure who I was or who I wanted to be.
I think mostly I hated myself because I let this happen. I felt guilty about my kids growing up in such a home (and still do). I had no idea what I was going to do. I had no power or control over my life except that I refused to live in a dysfunctional, abusive marriage any longer.
My story is long and complicated, but today I am in college, doing very well, and moving forward in a new life that doesn’t include surrendering my power to another. That is what I mostly took away from my experiences over the past 25 years.
I had given my power away. I still don’t have it all back but I have a list of things to do to move me further in that direction, to keep the momentum going toward being my own person, independent, and in control of my own life.
This blog is designed to challenge the ideas that perpetrate this kind of marriage in the 21st century. Most of it is based in false religious authority, misguided faith messages, and in a follower’s desire to do what is right while those in power are doing what is very wrong. I am not a man-hater or anti-religion. I am pro-freedom. I subscribe to egalitarian tenets.
I want to be free and I hope that my story helps others to find freedom.